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Cooked Food Compromises: When Ultimatums Don’t Cut It!

The holidays are fast approaching, and this time of year more than any other is just downright tough for most Raw Foodists. Even long time Raw Food enthusiasts get a bit chilly around this time of year.

For those of you who have no problems with fruit and greens 4 seasons of the year, then more power to you!

For the rest of you, however, we thought it might be helpful to let you know where we stand on the subject of cooked food compromises.

After 3 years of working personally with clients, I am convinced that ultimatums are a dead end road. As soon as we put a big “Forbidden Foods” list in front of our faces, we end up with bingeing, guilt trips and food obsessions!

It is more harmful to continually put your body through a raw food roller coaster than to find a happy medium and stick to it. I’ve said in the past, I would prefer that 80% of the population be 60% raw than 4% of the population be 100%.

The goal, remember, is not putting a “Raw Foodist” stamp on your forehead at the end of the day. We’re engaged in the pursuit of health, high energy living and ideally we’re doing this in a way that takes environmental impact of our choices into consideration as well.

So, if you’re not willing to have a hard-core Christmas, then here’s what I recommend you take into consideration. When restrictions are removed, the urgency to indulge in, or overeat, “forbidden foods” vanishes.

One of the ways I like to approach nutrition and eating is sensibly. I don’t believe that it requires an ability to decipher enzymatic, anti-oxidant and amino acid vocabulary to be able to thrive. If that was the case, we’d all be in trouble.

Whatever you’re considering eating, just look at your body, look at the food on your plate and ask yourself:

“Does this make sense?”

Is the food something you could find easily in nature?

You may be able to find wheat, for example, in nature, but in its natural state it is very indigestible to humans.

Would it taste good if you just added heat?

If you are going to eat cooked foods, then I highly recommend sticking to the foods that make sense. A slice of grilled fish, a baked potato and steamed broccoli makes a lot of sense to me. More sense than a “raw pie” loaded with dates, avocado and almonds.

I’ve felt much, much worse eaing complicated raw food recipes than I have eating healthy, simple cooked food like steamed greens or a sweet potato.

If you need to add a bunch of spices and sauces for your food to be attractive and digestible, then I would say leave it aside. Also, the extra sauces and spices are in large part responsible for the desire to overeat. These are the mechanisms of stimulation-addiction and the kinds of things that send the floodgates open. There’s only so much baked sweet potato and steamed broccoli a person can eat. But start smothering them in butter and cheese sauce and you have yourself a whole other story.

Keep your cooked foods simple and sauce-free. This will help you hold in line your own limits and leave you feeling relatively well, even if it is a meal of cooked food.

Avoiding the sauces and spices will also help you to choose better foods. Beans, legumes, pasta and most grains taste rather boring without salt and sauces, so best avoid them.

Chances are you’ll aslo find that it’s much easier to control your cooked food consumption when you’ve removed your restrictions about it. When the food is no longer “forbidden” obsession moves aside. You don’t have that lingering ultimatum telling you that “THIS, will be the LAST time you EVER eat cooked food!”

So, summing up, then stick to these:

Vegetables like broccoli, cauliflower, green beans and peas taste perfectly scrumptious without doctoring them up with spices and sauces. In fact, I find most vegetables tast quite nice steamed lightly. Sweet potatoes, pumpkins and squashes of all kinds are super tasty, too! Also, a simple piece of grilled fish or meat usually doesn’t require anything for it to be appetizing to most people. Just think of the foods you could find in nature. Then, if you can add fire and keep the flavor without having to add a bunch of sauces, I think you’ve hit a winner.

So, there it is.

If ultimatums are not on your plate, then these are my top recommendations for what to put there instead. Remember that the joys of being with good people, celebrating life and all her sparkly pleasures is REALLY good for your health. Make that your priority and the rest will fall into place, I’m sure of it.

Tera Warner is a writer and online entrepreneur, and co-creator of “The Raw Divas,” the only online raw food resource especially for women. Visit the website today at www.TheRawDivas.com for inspiration, recipes, and support for women who are passionate about health and LIFE.

Have You Tried Scrapbooking Recipes?

BANANA NUT CAKE

1/2 c. Crisco shortening
2 lg. eggs
1/4 tsp. baking powder
3/4 tsp. baking soda
3 ripe bananas, mashed
Cool Whip
1 1/2 c. sugar
2 c. flour
1 tsp. salt
1/4 c. buttermilk (or milk plus
vinegar)
1/2 c. nuts, chopped

Grease and flour 9 x 13 inch pan. Cream shortening and sugar until fluffy. Beat in eggs thoroughly. Mix together flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Alternate adding flour mixture and buttermilk, bananas and nuts. Mix well. Bake at 350 degrees for 35 to 45 minutes. Top with Cool Whip and refrigerate. If making a layer cake bake 25 to 30 minutes and put Cool Whip and sliced bananas between layers.

ZEBRA CAKE

1 pkg. Nabisco chocolate wafers
1 med. size Cool Whip

Use long platter. Spread cream on one side of wafers, stack together into a log. Save enough cream to completely cover tops and sides of log. Cover with wax paper, refrigerate 24 hours. To serve, slice diagonally, wafers will have absorbed moisture from cream and swirl to zebra effect.

FLIP FLOP CAKE

1 c. pecans, chopped
1 c. coconut, shredded
1 German chocolate cake mix
1 stick butter
1 (8 oz.) pkg. cream cheese
1 box powdered sugar
(Be sure butter and cream cheese are
room temperature)

Generously grease or butter bottom of 9 x 13 inch pan. Spread bottom with coconut and pecans. Make cake mix according to directions. Pour over nuts-coconut; cream together cream cheese, butter and sugar. Drop by spoonfuls over batter. Do not stir. Bake according to cake box directions. Turn upside down to serve and cool.

SHEET CAKE 2

2 sticks margarine
Almost 3 c. sugar
3 c. regular plain flour, before
sifting
1 c. warm milk
1 tsp. lemon flavoring
1/2 c. Crisco
5 eggs
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. orange flavoring

Beat margarine, Crisco and sugar until fluffy. Add eggs one at a time. Sift flour and baking powder. Add alternately with warm milk. Add flavoring. Place in cold oven at 350 degrees. Bake 1 hour and 15 minutes in a 9 x 13 inch sheet cake pan.

SHEET CAKE

2 c. flour
2 c. sugar
2 sticks oleo
3 tbsp. cocoa
1 c. water
1/2 c. buttermilk
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. soda

Mix flour and sugar in bowl and set aside. Put oleo, cocoa and water in pan and boil. Pour this hot mixture over flour and sugar mixture. Beat together buttermilk, eggs, vanilla, salt and soda. Pour into greased and floured sheet pan. Bake 20 minutes at 400 degrees. Immediately start making icing. Use same pan used for cake.

–ICING: –

1 stick oleo
3 tbsp. cocoa
1/3 c. buttermilk
1 lb. powdered sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
1 c. nuts (optional)

Boil oleo, cocoa and buttermilk until slightly thickened. Add powdered sugar, vanilla and nuts. Spread on hot cake.

CHOCOLATE SHEATH CAKE

2 c.flour
2 c. sugar
1 stick butter
1/2 c. salad oil
4 tbsp. cocoa
1 c. water
1 c. buttermilk
2 eggs, beaten
1 tsp. soda
1 tsp. vanilla

Sift flour and sugar. Combine butter, oil, cocoa and water in saucepan. Bring to a boil. Pour over flour mixture and beat well. Add remaining ingredients and mix thoroughly. Pour into oblong pan and bake at 400 degrees for 20 minutes. ICING:

4 tbsp. cocoa
1 stick butter
6 tbsp. cream
1 box confectioners sugar

Combine cocoa, butter and cream in saucepan, bring to a boil. Pour over confectioners sugar, stirring constantly. Pour over hot cake.

CARROT CAKE 2

2 c. self-rising flour
2 c. sugar
1 1/2 c. cooking oil
4 eggs
3 c. carrots, grated
2 tbsp. cinnamon

Combine sugar and oil; add flour and eggs, one at a time, beating until blended. Batter will be stiff. And carrots and cinnamon. Pour into floured greased pans and bake at 350 degrees 35 to 40 minutes until cakes springs back when touched. This can be baked in 2 (9 inch) pans or 3 (8 inch) pans. ICING:

1 (8 oz.) pkg. cream cheese
1 stick margarine
1 box confectioners sugar
1 tbsp. vanilla
1 c. pecans, chopped

Soften cream cheese and margarine; mix well. Add other ingredients.

CHOCOLATE CAKE 2

1 box yellow cake mix
1 lg. box instant chocolate pudding
4 to 6 eggs
1 c. Crisco oil
1 c. sour cream
1 pkg. chocolate chips

Blend first 5 ingredients for about 3 minutes or until well mixed. Fold in chocolate chips by hand. Pour into greased Bundt or tube pan. Bake at 325 degrees 1 hour and 15 minutes or until done.

DUMP CAKE 2

2 can cherry pie filling
1 can crushed pineapple, undrained
1 pkg. yellow cake mix, without
pudding
2 sticks oleo, melted
Coconut
Pecans, crushed

Spoon pie filling in large pan; spread evenly. Spoon pineapple over pie filling. Sprinkle dry cake mix over pineapple. Pour melted oleo evenly over cake mix. Sprinkle coconut and nuts on top. Bake 1 hour in 325 degree oven. Good warm or cold.

PINEAPPLE - COCONUT FROSTING

1 tall can crushed pineapple
1 tbsp. cornstarch
1 1/2 c. sugar
1 stick margarine
3 egg yolks

Cook until thickened. Add can of coconut.

ICING FOR DECORATING

1/2 c. shortening (Crisco)
4 c. (1 box) confectioners sugar
4 tbsp. water
Dash of salt
1 tsp. vanilla

Makes a white icing. For decorating use a small amount and add coloring.

IMPOSSIBLE CHEESECAKE

3/4 c. sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp. vanilla
1/2 c. Bisquick
2 (8 oz.) pkgs. cream cheese, cut
into 1 inch cubes & softened
1/2 tsp. grated lemon peel

–CHEESECAKE TOPPING:–

1 c. sour cream
2 tsp. vanilla
2 tbsp. sugar

Heat oven to 350 degrees. Grease pie plate 9 x 1 1/4 inches. Place all ingredients except toppings in blender container. Blend on high speed (on & off) until smooth, about 3 minutes or beat in large bowl on high speed with mixer for 2 minutes. Pour into plate. Bake just until puffed and center is dry, 3 0 minutes (do not over bake). Spread cheesecake carefully over top. Cool for 3 hours before serving.

FRUIT CAKE COOKIES

2/3 c. brown sugar, packed
1/2 c. butter or margarine
1 egg
1 tsp. vanilla
1 c. flour
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 c. coarsely chopped pecans
1/2 tsp. salt
2/3 c. chopped cherries (candied)
1/2 c. candied pineapple, chopped
1/2 c. whole hazelnuts
1 lb. dates, pitted
1/2 c. walnuts, coarsely chopped

Cream sugar and butter until light and fluffy; add egg and vanilla. Beat well. Stir together flour, soda and salt and add to creamed mixture. Stir in fruit and nuts; chill batter at least one hour. Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls onto cookie sheet and bake at 325 degrees for 12 minutes.

FLUFF FROSTING

1 c. milk
1/4 c. flour
1 tsp. vanilla
1 c. sugar
1/2 c. butter or margarine
1/2 c. shortening

In a small saucepan, cook flour and milk until thick, stir well. Set aside to cool, (keep mixture covered as it cools). In a bowl beat sugar, margarine (or butter) and shrotening using high speed of mixer, until fluffy. Add the milk mixture and vanilla. Continue beating until the icing is very fluffy.

CARAMEL ICING

2 c. brown sugar
1/3 c. milk
Pinch of salt
4 tbsp. margarine
4 tbsp. flour

Mix all ingredients together. Cook over medium heat. Boil 3 minutes. Remove from heat and cool until thick enough to spread.

PINEAPPLE-COCONUT-WALNUT CAKE

–CAKE:–

2 c. flour
2 c. sugar
2 tsp. baking soda
2 eggs
1 c. coconut, shredded
1 c. walnuts or pecans, chopped
1 can (20 oz.) crushed pineapple with
juice

–CREAM CHEESE ICING:–

1/4 lb. margarine
1 1/2 c. powdered sugar
2 tsp. vanilla
1 pkg. (8 oz.) cream cheese, softened

CAKE: Mix all ingredients for cake together. Grease but do not flour 9 x 13 inch pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes. Frost with Cream Cheese Icing. ICING: Combine all ingredients for icing; mix well until creamy. Spread on cooled cake.

ONE STEP POUND CAKE

2 1/4 c. all-purpose flour
2 c. sugar
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. soda
1 tbsp. grated lemon peel
1 tsp. vanilla
1 c. margarine, softened
1 carton (8 oz.) yogurt, pineapple
3 eggs

Combine all in large bowl. Beat 3 minutes at medium speed. Pour into greased and floured pan or bundt pan does well. Bake at 325 degrees for 50 minutes. Cool 15 minutes.

DIRT CAKE 3

1 pkg. Oreo cookies
1 (8 oz.) cream cheese
1 c. 4x confectioners’ sugar
2 sm. boxes vanilla pudding & pie
filling
3 c. milk
1 tsp. vanilla
1 lg. Cool Whip

Crumble cookies 1/2 package and cover bottom of 9 x 13 inch pan. Mix milk, vanilla, sugar and cream cheese until creamy. Add pudding and mix until creamy. Pour mixture over cookies in pan. Then add the other 1/2 package of cookies on pudding. Then top with Cool Whip. An artificial flower may be put in the middle of it to add a decorative touch.

CREAM CHEESE POUND CAKE

1 1/2 c. margarine
3 c. sugar
1 (8 oz.) cream cheese
6 eggs
3 c. flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt
1 tsp. almond extract
1 tsp. vanilla

Cream cheese, oleo, and sugar until fluffy. Mix dry ingredients and add alternately with eggs - 1 cup flour with 2 eggs. Add flavorings. Bake in greased and floured tube pan. Bake at 300 degrees for 2 hours.

CREAM CHEESE CUPCAKES

2 (8 oz.) pkgs. cream cheese
3/4 c. sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
Vanilla wafers

Use cream cheese at room temperature. Beat until smooth and creamy with other ingredients. Put 1 vanilla wafer in a cupcake baking cup. Add cheese mixture, fill 1/2 full. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes. Let cool for 1 hour. Top with cherry or blueberry pie filling. Refrigerate.

CHOCOLATE ZUCCHINI CAKE 2

3 1/2 c. flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. soda
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 c. cocoa
3 eggs
2 c. sugar
1/2 c. oil
1 c.sour milk
2 c. shredded zucchini
1/3 c. applesauce
1/4 c. chopped nuts, if desired

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour 3 (9 inch) layer pans. Sift dry ingredients together in a bowl, set aside. In a large bowl beat eggs; add sugar to eggs and beat until fluffy. Add oil slowly. Stir in flour mixture, alternate with milk, zucchini and applesauce. Add nuts and mix well. Pour into prepared pans and bake for 25 to 30 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean when inserted into center of cake.

*Can be baked in tube pan, sheet cake pan, etc. but baking time will vary depending on size of pan.

BUTTER PECAN POUND CAKE

1 Betty Crock butter pecan cake mix
1 pkg. coconut cream instant pudding
4 eggs
1 c. oil
1 c. hot water

Mix all together. Beat 2 minutes. Bake in well-greased or sprayed bundt pan at 325 degrees for 45 minutes.

BANANA SPLIT CAKE

2 c. graham wafer crumbs
1/2 c. margarine, melted
3 c. confectioners’ sugar
2 eggs
1 c. margarine, softened
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla
1 (19 oz.) can crushed pineapple
4 bananas
1 lg. Cool Whip
Walnuts (opt.)
Cherries (opt.)

Combine graham crumbs and margarine. Press in ungreased 9 x 13 inch pan. Beat confectioners’ sugar, eggs, margarine and vanilla. Spread on graham crust. Spread pineapple over creamed mixture. Slice bananas lengthwise and place on pineapple. Cover with whip. Garnish with nuts and cherries. Chill.

APPLE POUND CAKE

1 1/2 c. corn oil
2 c. sugar
3 eggs
2 tsp. vanilla extract
3 c. flour
1 tsp. soda
1 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp. ground nutmeg
2 c. chopped, peeled apples
1 c. chopped walnuts
1/2 c. raisins

Beat oil, eggs, sugar and vanilla until well blended. Combine dry ingredients and add to sugar mixture, beating well. Stir in apples, nuts and raisins. Spoon batter into greased and floured bundt pan. Bake at 375 degrees for 1 hour and 15 minutes.

ZUCCHINI CAKES

Vegetable oil
3 c. shredded, unpared zucchini,
drained
1/2 c. shredded Cheddar cheese (about
2 oz.)
3 tbsp. snipped parsley
1 lg. clove garlic, finely chopped
1 egg
1 tsp. salt
Dash of pepper
1 c. Bisquick baking mix

Heat oil (1/2 inch) in 10 inch skillet to 375 degrees. Mix zucchini, cheese, parsley, garlic, egg, salt and pepper. Stir in baking mix. Drop by rounded tablespoonfuls into hot oil. Fry until golden brown, about 1 minute on each side; drain. Makes about 2 dozen cakes.

YULE CAKE

1 c. margarine
2 c. brown sugar
2 eggs
2 c. applesauce
1/2 c. fruit juice
4 c. flour
2 tsp. soda
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. vanilla
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. cloves
1/2 tsp. allspice
1/2 tsp. ginger
2 c. dates
1/2 c. golden raisins
4 1/2 c. nuts, chopped coarse:
walnuts, pecans, brazil nuts
1 c. Maraschino cherries
1 c. green candied cherries
1 c. each red-green-yellow candied
pineapple

Cream margarine, sugar and eggs; add applesauce and juice. Add 3 cups flour and spices. Dust chopped fruit and nuts with one cup of the flour. Add fruit and nuts to mixture. Bake in loaf pans or cupcake pans. Bake at 350 degrees one hour for loaf, cupcake pans 30 minutes. Store in cool place in tight containers.

BARBY’S YOGURT CAKE

1/2 c. butter or margarine
1 c. sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp. vanilla
1 (8 oz.) carton yogurt
2 c. flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 c. milk

Cream butter and sugar together. Add eggs and vanilla. Mix well. Add baking powder, soda, salt and 1 cup of the flour. Mix until well blended. Add yogurt and milk. Mix well. Add last 1 cup of flour. Mix well. Pour into greased and floured loaf cake pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 to 35 minutes. Frost with your favorite frosting. (May use 1 teaspoon vanilla and 1 teaspoon flavoring that is compatible with your flavor used.)

Party Planner Checklist

Printable Party Planner Checklist

The purpose of a party is to have fun. Most parties aren’t much fun because the host and hostess concentrate on the supporting cast, the food drinks and other such items, not the people who are what make a good party go.

The great party hosts such as Perle Mesta worked hardest on the guest list not the supporting cast. Take a tip from her.

The Cast: The People

The challenge is to mix the familiar with the interesting. Most parties center around a group such as a family, neighborhood, professional interests, or the like. This provides the core group that more or less must be included in your list.

The challenge is who can you invite and will actually show up that can bring interest to the party without disruption. Who is a good talker? Good listener? A good mixer? And the like. To make this work, you must make up a list of people you want this person to chat with—and introduce them to each other as the event goes on.

You don’t need too many of these folks but a good party always requires some. And you need to reciprocate with them in some manner because these people will be the ones who make your party work—or just be a humdrum event.

The great hostesses collect these people and pamper them. We aren’t suggesting you make this your life’s occupation, but you can be on the lookout for one or two. It will serve to pep up your events. And don’t worry about introducing them; people such as this have a way of starting fun and not having any questions asked.

Tips:

1. As the host or hostess your role is to be the master of ceremony and introduce people to each other—not disappear into the crowd or be the servant to your own guests.
2. Use a written list and think of who might like and enjoy another person due to a related experience, home town, college, profession, or the like. Try to think of one such person for each guest. Then introduce them to each other as your party goes on.
3. My husband does this very successfully by pairing people with their colleges (not just the same college but related ones such as U Michigan and U Wisconsin, especially if you are far away from those places), home towns (not just the same one but anyone from say Upstate New York, Northern California, and so on and so on—especially if you are far away from that place). Takes a bit of work—but work is what makes parties succeed.
4. Don’t be afraid to call up and recruit a few of the fun people….
Getting Started: Three Months Ahead

Three months ahead of time think through your plan and set a date, a place, and the style of the party. Why so far ahead? The question is why not? If you give yourself time you can often get some out of town people involved and add some luster and variety to the guest list.

Make up the guest list: This is job 1, 2, and 3. The rest should be viewed as the supporting cast. Get the people right and the rest will fall in line. As the late Peter Drucker said, “Results come more from doing the right things versus doing things right.” Focus on the guests and the rest will generally work itself out; with the wrong guest list nothing much else will save your party.
Plan the menu. Be sure it is suitable for time of year, various dietary issues that have risen to range war status, and balanced so you have things people actually eat as opposed to what you want to serve or they “say” they eat.
For formal parties, mail invitations. For casual parties, mail invitations or telephone your guests to invite them. Tip: for a hundred or two hundred dollars you can print up lovely invitations which women in particular will love. My daughters post the invitations on their refrigerators, for example, just because it is a pick me up from the hum drum of every day life.
This also gets you “credit” and spreads pleasure to many people who can’t make the event for this that or the other reason. My husband always sends invitations out to his out of town friends; occasionally someone can make it. But everyone likes the invite even if they can’t make it. As several of his friends have said, “Better than a Christmas card.”
Decide what table settings, decorations, centerpieces, and music you’ll use. Be careful that the music doesn’t interfere with the talking and conversing. Music is all too loud and disruptive in this day and age. Your party may be served best by having a refuge from it. Tip: If you have a piano, as we do, you might have someone play for an hour or so light classical tunes to add a certain luster to your party without dominating it in a performance style event.
Make arrangements for any items you’ll need to rent or borrow. If you focus on the people, the “stuff” will be far less important. Don’t get what you don’t need. A couple of flat tables can be a job—for spreading the food out more widely for easier self-serving, for providing self-serve drink areas so people don’t have to wait for an overworked bartender.
Lineup help to replenish the food and drink as well as serve your guests and friends. Many children actually like to do this; if you have a sister or brother visiting, for example, they often like to pitch in and they know or know of many of your guests. If possible avoid hiring bartenders (people like to pour their own and hate to wait in line; that’s why we have three different drink areas; see more below) and servers. They create a somewhat unpleasant formality. It is a great idea to hire one pure clean up person for only that duty—done in the background.
Book any entertainment people from those at children’s parties to a pianist if you have a piano. These people work their schedules way in advance and early booking will get you the best of them.

Preliminary Preparations: Three weeks ahead

Check out your list for RSVPs. Consider emailing a reminder to those you want to come. This is a nice gentle reminder without being intrusive.
Telephone any guests who have not responded to your invitations that you really want to come and especially the fun ones who can make your party go.
If you can afford it, get a house cleaner to come in to just do the areas your party will be in. This preliminary effort will take much of the anguish out of getting your party launched. Check out all of the appliances, tables, and other things you will be using for the party. If you’re grilling, for example, be sure to have enough charcoal on hand or fill the canister in a gas grill.
Compile your grocery-shopping list. Check on items such as matches, candles, and liquor, and add the things you’ll need to your shopping list. Don’t forget ice since parties inevitably run out of it.
Check that table linens are clean and ready to go. Decide on tableware and serving pieces. Wash infrequently used pieces. If you’re using disposable paper or plastic items, inventory what you have on hand and add the items you need to your shopping list. Tip: More is always better than less!
Order any special flowers, meats, seafood, or other ingredients you’ll need in advance. The suppliers will appreciate your courtesy and give you much better service. They will also tend to be more helpful in their suggestions if you do this in advance.
If you’re making decorations or centerpieces yourself, get working!
Your menu should emphasize foods that can be made in advance and prepared without a lot of muss and fuss. Otherwise you will descend into being an upset servant at your own party. Tip: Parties do best when the host and hostess are relaxed and having fun themselves. Overconstraining the problem by having too complex foods and the like can bring down a party—with a thud.

Gearing Up: 3 Days in Advance

Check your RSVP list and see who is missing that you want, especially the fun people. Get on the phone and try to get them signed up! They can make all the difference to a great event. Note: we always emphasize that the first task is the people; the others should always take a back seat.
Buy everything but the most perishable items. Tip: I always overstock on liquor, wine, beer, and soft drinks. The mere plentifulness of them seems to cheer up one and all when they see them on my tables. These are not perishable and can always be used later.
Recheck your recipes to make sure you have everything you need—and try to buy as many prepared foods as possible. Tip: This is where a second refrigerator in the garage comes in very handy. If you have space and can afford it, get one!
I like to do a preliminary setup at this time to the extent it doesn’t interfere with other activities. For the normal self-service party of this day and age, I have three areas for drinks, for example. One for nonalcoholic; one for wine and beer; and a third for mixed drinks. You can set this up in advance and look at it. This is usually what gets a party launched and, if launched well, everything works out well. After a drink or two, the food becomes food and less subject to pickiness….
Plan your timetable for cooking any of the foods you must do yourself.
Make all nonperishable items such as snack mixes ahead of time.

The last day: One Day Ahead

Get on the phone to one or two people you really want who haven’t signed up yet.
Shop for perishable and last-minute items—try to keep these to a minimum.
Reclean the party area as necessary. If you use a cleaning service, have them scheduled for this day.
Decorate for the party. Prepare an area for coats and umbrellas if this is the season for it.
Arrange and set your table(s) and serving areas.
Prepare as many recipes and ingredients as possible. For example, chop vegetables you’ll cook as part of a recipe. Some chores, however, such as cleaning salad greens, should wait until party day.
Thaw frozen items. If the items are perishable, thaw them in the refrigerator.

Party Day

Review your guest list in detail. Make sure you remember names, associations, who you have thought to introduce people to, and keeping a couple of cue cards available is no crime. If you can enlist other family members in this, do so.

Go over the house again for a final cleaning check. If necessary, move furniture.
Prepare the foods according to your timetable so everything will finish when needed. Wash dishes as you go along to save cleanup time later. Don’t forget to run the dishwasher, so it’ll be empty and ready for party dishes. Tip: this is what the hired help should do and do and do during the party.
Make sure all foods and beverages to be served cold will be well chilled by party time.

Last-Minute Details: One Hour Ahead

Review the guest list again. Go over it with any family members who can and will help you in this.
Put all the finishing touches on the meal and tables. Tip: in the drink areas, separate them so people don’t bump into each other. People who have the same kind of drinks like to hang out together, as a rule, so give them space to do that. It provides a perfect locale for the lonely guest to congregate. Encourage one person in each area to try to include others.
Clear a spot for placing used dishes as guests finish with them, and provide an easily accessible place for garbage.
Set out cheese and nonperishable appetizers or snacks, if using.

As the Doorbell Rings: 10 minutes ahead of time

Open wine, if serving. Set out remaining appetizers and snacks, if using.
Light candles and turn on music, if using.

Party time: During the Party
Focus on your guests and introducing them to each other. Corral lone guests and introduce them to others—or talk to them yourself for awhile. Don’t interrupt those happily chatting (happens all the time and really stupid); keep the drinks flowing early and people will get settled in nicely.
Tip: Once people have their first drink and appetizer, they relax. So your objective is to expedite this and don’t let people wait in line. I often tell guests to consider pouring a glass of wine or having a beer, rather than wait to fix a drink. Most do and then happily keep at the wine or beer, or return to the liquor later.
Don’t overpour drinks or push the food. People do best when they can measure their own intake. Others pouring their wine or topping off their drinks can confuse them and lead to overindulging. Let people do this themselves and they tend to self-control. “Try this” or “try that” is pressure. Don’t do it no matter how much you like your own recipes.
Final Warning: Have a person or two available and the number of a cab company to drive anyone home who has had too much to drink. Getting a car back is a simple matter versus risking an accident and the unpleasant consequences of that. A smart host will have two people on hand, usually a family member being one. One person can drive the people home in their own car with the second following behind to get number one back. If this isn’t available, call a cab company. This is much harder to do in the suburbs than the city so have alternative one in mind—even if you must do it yourself.

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